Senator to Minneapolis Public Schools: Hannd ’em over

Good news, job seekers! Hiawatha Leadership Academies, the Minneapolis-based charter school chain run by Eli Kramer is poised for growth and ready to hire a “Temporary Recruitment Ambassador.”*

As a TRA–not to be confused with TFA, which is a different sort of temporary employment thing, and, from one insider’s view, “closely aligned” with Hiawatha Academies–your main job will be to stop referring to children as children, and instead call them “scholars” every time you speak. As a bonus, along the way you will learn that teachers are no longer simply “teachers” (boring!), but instead have been elevated to “scholar coaches.”

Once you get this down, you will be on your way to helping fill Hiawatha’s hallways with Scholars Formerly Known as Children. Pause for a moment, if you will, and get inspired by Hiawatha’s “manifest destiny” dreams:

“Our vision is to expand our impact by growing to five schools by 2020. At scale, we will be putting five percent of all school-age scholars in Minneapolis on the path to and through college.”

But don’t worry–you won’t be alone in this mission. In fact, the path to having “scholar launching pads” throughout Minneapolis is currently being paved by the power of suggestion, thanks to some friends in high places.

David “I’ll Hanndle This” Hann; Photo by James Nord

Case in point: Republican state Senator David Hann, of the suburban happy land known as Eden Prairie, just proposed a bill to break up the Minneapolis Public Schools and, once and for all, dismantle its dysfunctional bureaucratic ways by breaking it into six smaller bureaucracies, each with its own list of administrators (I smell opportunity for all of you former “scholar coaches” out there!).

With a clear eye towards transformational change, here’s what Hann’s plan would bring to Minneapolis: “The six districts would choose a superintendent, hold school board elections, and decide whether it wants unionized or non-unionized teachers, among many issues. The districts would be free of state mandates.” And, because choice is only good for some people, in some situations, “…the bill would not give the Minneapolis school district a choice in the matter.”

I’m glad someone’s head is in the game. And, I am not surprised it is Hann, who, coincidentally, was once on the Hiawatha Academies board of directors, and is the president of something called “Parents for Accountable Schools” (which is nothing like the group Parents for Accounting Schools, I’m told.)

Of course, this bill–borne of the boredom that comes from representing a suburban district with no school-related problems–will not go anywhere. This time.

But, dear future potential scholar recruiter, it does go along with a recent Minneapolis StarTribune editorial, which warns that, when it comes to Minneapolis and St. Paul, failure to get test scores (Results©) up will give “ammunition to those who would dismantle urban public schools.”

And, it does plant a nice seed that may help Hiawatha reach its goal of capturing 5% of the market share in Minneapolis.

Maybe this firm can help?

*Job may have already been filled, as the scholar recruitment window is a narrow one. 

3 thoughts on “Senator to Minneapolis Public Schools: Hannd ’em over

  1. I find it interesting how the public education reformers—but before I go one, I want to share a few synonyms for the word REFORMER: anarchist, demagogue, malcontent, propagandist, troublemaker, dogmatist, fomenter, heretic, instigator, rabble-rouser, and disrupter.

    The reformers I’m talking about keep boasting and making claims that are false promises—that if every parent and child leaves the public schools and switches to their corporate Charter schools, where they are making huge piles of money creating wealth for a few through fraud, cheating, lying, etc., 100% of the children will be college and career ready by age 17/18, and those children will find good paying jobs and achieve the American dream with lifelong security and good health.

    Yet, there isn’t one country on the earth in all of history that has achieved that lofty and impossible goal—even using proven methods that have stood the test of time going back all the way to Socrates, Plato and Confucius.

    The reason for that is one word the lying reformer frauds often use, and it is the word CHOICE, but not the false choice the propagandist, and trouble making corporate reformers offer. The choice I’m talking about is parents who don’t introduce their children to books, for whatever reason, at an early age, and children who then grow up to make a choice in the classroom and refuse to cooperate with their teachers so they learn, and what are the real reasons behind parents and children who make these poor choices when they go to school that have nothing to do with teachers or teaching?

    I think informed, sensible people who are difficult to fool already know that answer.

  2. I think calling children scholars is manipulative, probably intentionally so. Scholars are experts in a field, such as professors or they are academics, who spend their time with reading and writing in arcane fields. A 6 year old, a scholar? Why not professor? Next, we could dress them in tweed jackets with leather elbow patches and outfit them with pipes (no tobacco) as props. What ever happened to childhood and being kids. Isn’t calling them pupils and students enough?

    I shudder at having people like this taking over public education.

    1. pipes with no tobacco

      we can be sure that the tobacco companies will be lobbying to make sure tobacco is included—-enhanced tobacco that hooks them faster and deeper.

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